Season 2, Ep. 19 - Christ-Centered Marriage, Real Talk

Four voices, two marriages, and one question we can’t ignore: why do Christian marriages often struggle in the same ways as everyone else? We invite our wives, Megan and Rebecca, to the Make a Man Podcast to bring a grounded wives’ perspective on love, conflict, and what actually keeps a relationship healthy over the long haul.

We talk about why “Christ at the center” is more than a church phrase, especially when couples try to plug the empty space with busyness, friends, or entertainment. From there, we wrestle with divorce rates, selfishness, and the quiet damage of keeping score. The “50-50” idea sounds fair until it turns marriage into a ledger. We argue for 100 and 100: mutual sacrifice, mutual service, and the kind of submission that looks like strength rather than silence.

The conversation also digs into biblical womanhood without stereotypes. We explore how churches and culture can both reduce women, why context matters in passages like 1 Corinthians 11, and how legalism around modesty or appearance can miss the heart of Jesus’ example. Along the way, we bring up Jael’s story from Judges as a reminder that the Bible includes bold, decisive women who don’t fit modern caricatures.

We end with real-life nuance: roles in a marriage shift by season, gifting, and what your family needs right now, and caring for your home and kids is not “less than” for either spouse. If this challenged you or helped you, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. What part of the conversation do you most agree or disagree with?

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Music by Outlaw Gospel

Transcript

Wives Join The Conversation

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Welcome to the Make a Man Podcast where we explore what it means to be a man in today's society. All right, guys, welcome to another episode of the Make a Man podcast. Uh it's this is kind of a unique one that we're gonna be doing, maybe even a couple episodes, hopefully. We actually have the wives on, RJ.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Yes, we do.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

So, ladies and gentlemen, or more gentlemen, probably, I don't know how many haven't actually looked at those statistics yet. But so we're gonna introduce our wives. Megan is my wife, who have 13 years.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Hi, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

She's a woman, a few words. I'm the talker of the couple. Facts. And then and then our lovely, you're gonna introduce your own wife?

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Yes, I will introduce my own wife. Rebecca. Some call her Becca. She likes to go by Rebecca now, for the most part. I never call her that because she knows that something's wrong if I call her that. So and we've been married almost 20 years, 20 years in June. So but we've been together longer than we've been not together. Yeah. Yeah. You guys were high school sweethearts, weren't you?

SPEAKER_03 1:24

Yes, indeed. See, we we were e-harmony sweethearts. Yep. That's that's the same. That's that's well, back when e-harmony was like an actual thing as opposed to not hookup harmony. Not hookup harmony. That's what I heard when my brother-in-law was was when he was dating, he told us that yeah, e-harmony was a hookup. Pretty much all of them. All of them are. So I'm I'm thankful I don't have to date in this society now. That's right. Yeah. I wouldn't. No. But no, it's uh it's gonna be good to have you guys on the the podcast, kind of give a different perspective because RJ and I have talked a lot on the podcast, and and so we wanna talk about what we had a dip a couple different topics. What do you guys want to bring up? We want to talk about what biblical womanhood is.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Or that sounds good. We can talk about that, right? Because we can get into sure whatever.

SPEAKER_04 2:22

I will whatever. I will maybe I'll just sit here and not see what's going on.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

No, you you guys that's not an option. The whole point is for you ladies to talk from a not only woman's perspective

Christ At The Center

SPEAKER_03 2:35

on everything, but a wives' perspective. Because I mean, it was interesting for us. I'll I'll share a little story. I I don't know if I shared it with you guys yet, but we uh Megan and I just recently had a date night, and uh we we went out to a fancy hotel and restaurant, and the people kept asking us, Well, how long have you been married? Because we we made mention that we know we're kind of celebrating an anniversary even though it was like two months ago.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

We never celebrated it. We never actually celebrated it. Two months later.

SPEAKER_03 3:08

I'm gonna scooch you a little ladder there, honey. So yeah, so we like kept asking us, well, what's your secret? And you know, and I uh uh our our answer was having Chrys as the center of our marriage. That was the secret to our marriage because Megan and I, you know, we've we've been together for 14 years, married for 13 of them, and that was the biggest thing we figured out about halfway through that that was something that was missing for us. And and we tried to fulfill it with you know friends or activities or different things, and that was we had our hardships, and so and it didn't it took us a minute to really realize that that was that was the situation that we were missing God as a center. And after op that opening our eyes, it we we can kind of see that missing in a lot of marriages, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Yeah, definitely. Um even within, I mean, I'm sure we're gonna drift here, even within the church, you know, the church community or whatever churches individually, it's it's an incorrect view of marriage and what it's what Christ was talking about and what others have talked about, and really all throughout scripture we often get it wrong. So the shocking thing is how high divorce is in the the evangelical community. It's the same, it's the same, yeah. According to Barna, that's what he says.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

So for for context with Barna.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Oh, he's uh he does uh polls and research and brings all the data, and so there's really if you want to look at any kind of data, especially within the evangelical community, Barna is the way to go. So homeschool stuff, he does I mean, just lots and lots of data, lots and lots of research. They're the they're the ones to go to for that for sure.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

So then the question is, especially for me ladies, what is the reason why divorce is the same whether in secular culture versus Christian culture?

Why Divorce Mirrors Culture

SPEAKER_04 5:12

Sin.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

Can you expand on that, Becca?

SPEAKER_04 5:17

Um so I would say it's definitely selfishness because marriage is you give all of yourself to the other person. And you're supposed to. And if you don't, then you will fail. And there's the the myth of 50-50. Well, no, it's 100, 100, 100, 100, yeah. Otherwise you have expectations that are never going to be met, and you will fail. And so if you want to learn how to be selfless, you have to look to Christ because he's the only person who has done it perfectly. So that's why having Christ in the center is the most important thing, because then you see the model of, oh, well, how do I give all of myself? Well, he died, gave all of themself, and men are taught to, you know, die to themselves. And I think it's the same. Really, we are supposed to submit to each other. Each other, each other, not just women submitting because that doesn't work. You see, in even the old testament, where Abraham did some really dumb things, and if his wife had just said a couple words to him, it would have been fixed. But she was submitting more than she should have. She needed to be what's the term? The opposition. It's not just I don't know. I'm trying to think. I can't think. If I'm if I'm close to the mic, I can't think because then I have to talk. So women are supposed to kind of oppose their husband, not just submit to them, but kind of be the the sounding board. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Yeah. Because if it's you don't want a yes wife, right? Like that's not that's that's not submission. That's like bordering husband. But it for some, you can I and I've seen it borders on almost like it looks like slavery because you're like, they're only gonna say yes. And people have always taken out that wives submit to your own husbands as is this, you know, hammer down thing. And you know, nobody takes the time to read scripture for themselves, but not just looking at it, you know, they they look at it from their own perspective versus the perspective of Christ, like we were talking about you know, eventually what either this podcast or another one, we're gonna get into how Christ viewed women. And so if people say scripture doesn't contradict, yet we have you know, wives, you you need to be listening to your husbands and do everything they say 100% and never say anything and be quiet, versus what Jesus did, well, that doesn't match up. So let's take another look at that. Maybe we're interpreting that a little wrong.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

So yeah, well, and I think it you gotta also look at the context, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:31

I mean, especially with always have to look at context, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

And I think that a lot of people I and I think that that's a big issue. I mean, we've talked about this on the podcast before that you know, context and church in general, a lot of times stuff is taken out of context, yeah. And so when it says, you know, wives submit to your husbands as Christ, you know, isn't like Christ submitted to the church or the husband's that's the husband's side, but yeah, but yeah, but you know, and so but the idea behind it is different than what people assume, or a lot of times, I mean, I'm gonna say it, the liberal left takes it out of context and says, Oh, that means that women need to be a slave, and that's not that's not what that means.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Submitting is an act of servanthood, it's serving your spouse, and it goes both directions, and it definitely has to go both directions because I mean, otherwise, the you know, example that Christ gave us is incorrect, and that's not true, right? Gave Jesus gave us the perfect example of what honoring women and loving your wife, and even though, of course, he wasn't married, but the way he treated women, the way he treated his mother, the way he he just he carried himself around women, and which was contrary to what was currently going on in their culture, but their culture was saying, No, this is what scripture says, this is what tradition is, and we're almost faced with that same thing today, where well, you know, many, many churches will teach that you know the act of submission and childbearing is the best thing you can do. And while childbearing is the I mean, I I could never do it. I think that's the most wonderful thing a woman could do because I can't do it. And you know, children are a blessing and they're wonderful, and the pain and suffering that my wife went through, I'm it's it's awesome. So, and even if it's not your your own kids, right? Like you taking care of other kids, it's that's the same thing because they are just as difficult to deal with. So, you know.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

And that's the instinct. Like we we have that, whether we have kids or not, we have that within us. Yes, like y'all's dogs are so spoiled. Oh my god, yes, they're your babies, yeah, and you guys and it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

And take in Shelby's friends and love them like they're your own, you know, and there's there's something to that. And so if you if you take the the Christian culture and say, well, this is how we do it, then you're you're kind of taking away from what a woman can be.

SPEAKER_04 11:19

If you are saying, and yeah, it's not just childbirth, it's really hard, like like you were saying, but we have so much more that we were given. Yeah, it's not just the nurturing, but it's the the life giving. We give life wherever we go. You are really important at work because you give life.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

That was dramatically loud. That was dramatically loud.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

He's turning it all slow, and it's trying to read it slow.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

That was literally loud. I'm gonna have to try to see how I'm gonna edit that out. Nah, it's funny. Anywho, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

And submission, like you were saying with Christ, submission is not being a doormat. Christ was all powerful, he was God, and he could have done anything, and he chose to give his life.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:13

And so submission is taking sometimes all powerfulness and laying it at someone's feet.

Submission Without Becoming A Doormat

SPEAKER_04 12:20

Yeah. And that's what we're supposed to do. And that doesn't just mean we empty ourselves to lay at someone's feet. We use all that we are and we give everything we are.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

Well, and I think the big thing that a lot of people misunderstand, because we live in a feministic society. As much as you you hear about, oh, we live in a patriarchal society and you know, and you know, men are in control. We do. Oh, okay, miss.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Go on, sorry. It's it's definitely okay, it has improved since we'll say like the 50s, but overall, especially in churches, though. You look at uh evangelical Christianity, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

And I'll go with that, but I'm more talking about in in our culture as a whole, women are in in general, because of the rise of feminism and stuff, and feminism has changed into a like a man-hating situation, which sucks. But like as far as the women are not it goes for me, it goes back to the roles of women, right? Like being a traditional wife and mother and all of this has been looked down upon. And unfortunately, that sucks. I mean, that it sucks a lot. Like it's nothing. There's I would love it because I know at one point in our marriage, Megan was able to not didn't have to work. She was a stay-at-home mom.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

It's like a six-month period, I think. Well, thank you, economy.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

For real.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

But yeah, it's it's if if a woman wants to choose, if a mom wants to choose to stay home, if a mom wants to choose to work, or you know, a woman wants to choose to work, what what you know, if you are honoring the Lord and what you're doing, do it. It's but that's like you look at uh biblical history, that's why there were women that did things that they didn't need permission from a man to do, they needed permission from God to do. You know, Jail, we were talking about jail and the tent peg.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Jail scares me.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

You know, you know, some people will infer. Well, maybe her husband gave her permission to do that. I'm sorry, don't infer then. Wasn't Jail the one who like cut off the head of no, she she drove a tent peg into Sis Sisera, what's his name? Sisera? Sisera?

SPEAKER_03 14:45

That's the guy with the hair.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Uh no, that was. Absalom. Uh yeah, it was Absalom. But Sisera was attacking Israel, right? This with Deborah, it's in Judges. And he comes into her tent and she lays his head down, gives him milk, and drives a tent peg through his temple into the ground.

SPEAKER_03 15:04

There's actually Renaissance paintings of this.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yeah. It's there's some awesome mugs that I've seen that are I feel like I need that.

SPEAKER_04 15:11

Like that's biblical womanhood.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

That's biblical womanhood of a spike driving a spike through.

SPEAKER_04 15:17

I mean it's in the Bible, and she's a woman.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

So she she did what what she was meant to do, and you know, she was a part of saving Israel.

SPEAKER_04 15:27

Yeah, she helped win the war with her actions.

SPEAKER_03 15:30

So your wife is scaring me just a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

She should. She absolutely should. Your height means nothing. Trust me, means nothing.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Is it the the dynamite small packages kind of thing?

SPEAKER_01 15:43

That's pretty much.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

See, then I have a tall wife. Yeah. And she's still dynamite. Yeah. Yes. She doesn't think she is, but she's dynamite.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Thanks, honey. Dynomite!

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Sorry, I just got that in my head and then I read it out. You know, some of you older folks will know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Older. You just turned 40, dude.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

I know, but I feel it. We arm wrestled last night, and I almost my wrist popped out of place.

SPEAKER_04 16:08

So my wrist still hurts.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

That was fun. Well, you arm wrestled your boys.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

No, I won though. Well, he did. I arm wrestled him with like my whole self and lost.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

So we need to arm wrestle, honey. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Because we're dynamite. Dynamite.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

And you know what? He won't he won't submit.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Nor will I.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Oh, goodness.

SPEAKER_03 16:35

But well, and something that is interesting too, is so a while back, Megan did

Jael And A Bigger View

SPEAKER_03 16:40

um a study called Five Aspects of a Woman. And do you sorry, uh Becca gave me a weird look.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

So Rebecca convulsed a little bit, let's declare.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

She threw up in her mouth a little.

SPEAKER_04 16:57

So there are some really good things in that and some really wrong things in that.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Potentially damaging things. Okay, so what's the good things and then what's the wrong things? I'm just curious.

SPEAKER_04 17:07

Um so I have not done five aspects the whole time. But your mom did. My mom did. Um there was she did at the same time, yeah. She did. So it talks about I does it talk about being life-giving? Like the Yeah, that's one of the things. And that's that's really important. And then it talks about like the whole modesty thing and the way a woman is supposed to look. Like the glory, like you're supposed to have long hair. Well, my mother is black, and she can't have her hair bringing that up. And so it's kind of and so a lot of the things in this evangelical churchiness are I don't know if they're intentionally racist, but they can be.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

It's it does feel more fundamentalist. And when you were talking about look reading things in context, right? And when I want to say, correct me if I'm wrong, was that in First Corinthians when he was talking about women's hair? Could be second.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

But the letters that Paul wrote were to a community about something that was going on, even references in First Corinthians about another letter that we don't have, right? And they wrote to him and and he wrote back. And like some say people say first Corinthians could could be considered second Corinthians because there's a letter that that they don't have anymore, you know. Okay, that was a long time ago, stuff gets destroyed. But looking at context, there is a situation that Paul had to handle. And but we will often we will often follow Paul more than they'll follow Jesus, and I feel like five aspects started to go that route because they missed the whole Mary worship Jesus with her hair, and to uncover your head, you know, in that culture was just wrong, and Jesus got rebuked for it, and so did Mary. And 1 Corinthians 11. Thank you. I was right. First Corinthians, and so we hold fast to those things like you must be this and you must do this. It's like, okay, so but what did what did Jesus do about it? Did he ever mention it?

SPEAKER_04 19:13

He never mentioned a woman's appearance, like ever.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

So no, no. But what I was more staring at. Sorry. We we will go off track and I will I will get on that so badly.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

And I think that's an important point because it's important to use discernment and like yes, the overall arching message of this book may be on the right track, but there are certain things within it that you just have to be really careful about. Like the hair.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

I mean, the hair thing is like, well, in general, like I'm sure it's more of it's more feminine to have long hair versus short hair. I mean, and that's something that we've even had conversations with our own daughter about.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

But some people can't like physically can't cut.

SPEAKER_03 19:56

No, and that's and that's uh and then I think that goes out the window. So it's cultural too.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Like because there are some cultures where men don't cut their hair because it's some kind of symbol for them.

SPEAKER_03 20:08

Well, even if you look at back in uh well, back in even Christ's time, men had longer hair in general. So but I mean, so I mean I look at those things, it's everything is contextual, you gotta look at everything with a grain of salt, right? Yep. You gotta but I think the idea that Megan and I had conversations about when she would go to these Bible studies was more on the roles of a wife, the roles of a woman, and the importance of women in our culture, whereas everybody uh I feel like a lot of our culture has steered more towards the man hating, we can do we don't need men, we don't need to do this. And then I laugh when I see memes of like we don't need men, and you see like women putting antifries in their oil pan and all this kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Well, it's like yeah, I've I've I've seen guys talk to them and like, so do you want to go clean out porta potties? You're like, no. So do you want to be work on an oil well on a on a rig? I don't think I'm strong enough for that. Okay. So there are things that women can do, and there are things that men can do, and we need each other. That's the main thing. Like, we need each other. And you know, when we men hate, when we women hate, we're our society is really good at both, you know, from different perspectives, but we're really good at hating women, we're really good at hating men, and neither are correct.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

And because Jesus didn't really say to anyone, stay in your lane, right? He just it's it's kind of a natural thing, right? Like men are gonna do the jobs that require heavy lifting naturally. Yeah, sometimes a woman can. That doesn't mean she shouldn't, it just means that it's it's less likely, right? But to say a woman can't is wrong. Whereas, like sometimes dad is called to be at home with his. Kids for a little while. And so is that less manly? No, because kids need their father. Yeah. And so that I mean, it it's less likely because a woman kind of can watch everything at once a little more than a guy can, like scientifically, they've done studies. So it's less likely for a man to do that, but that doesn't mean he can't. Right. And so to tell people they can't is wrong.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:24

But and to say these are your roles, which is not anything Jesus ever did, that's kind of wrong. But you go with what your gifting is and you go with where your strengths are. I I'm never going to do a job where I have to do heavy lifting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

And I think every partnership is going to be a little bit different. That's true. Because every human has different, yeah, different strengths and different weaknesses. And every marriage is going to look a little bit different, like the wife's role versus the husband's role. Yeah. I think overall, in general, it's very similar, but there are definitely going to be nuances because everybody's got different strengths.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Like I'm I now I can't work

Modesty, Hair, And Context

SPEAKER_01 23:05

the way I used to. And somebody would say, you know, you need to provide for your family in in this specific way. And I've even had my own father love him to death say that this is what you're supposed to do. But as we witnessed last night with the wrist breaking ceremony, um, I can't do those things anymore. And there came a point in our life when you know everything was a mess, our kids were a mess. I needed to be home. And really what it took was breaking my nose because my teenage son, who was stressed out beyond anything because he was alone and confused and dealing with like trauma and issues, I needed to be home. You know, it took me breaking my nose, him breaking my nose to figure that out. And so, yeah, I I left my nine to five job, and some people would, you know, say that that's unbiblical right now.

SPEAKER_04 23:59

7 to 7:30 job.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Uh yeah, no joke. Seven to seven thirty and sometimes beyond. Yeah. And so, and I needed to take care of my kids, and I did. And you know what? The kids have been like it's been a tremendous change to to see that. And I just have a new role. I have a I have a different role to play. I do more laundry, and you know, so be it.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

But there's stuff you've always done. Like uh, when the kids were little, I remember one time I went to vacuum something, yeah. And the kids said, Why are you using daddy's vacuum? Because he's just always done that.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

I'm the floors guy, and you don't touch the floors. That's my job. Something he loves to do, and because I can't stand things like on my feet, so I have to be perfect.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

He'll just do that. And it was so much that the kids recognized that was dad's role in our family.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

And so a manly man is gonna be one that's going to do whatever his family needs at that time, and at each moment it could be totally different. So just gotta be ready and and listening to what the Lord's doing, you know, sometimes your nose gets broken and you realize you gotta make a change, you know.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

For me, that's the that's the manly thing to do, right? That's that's um what God called me to do.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

Well, and I think the big thing that I mean when I started this idea of the podcast, you know, became a thing where it was an explore an exploration of what what does it mean to be a man? Yeah, and I I got so many different answers. Yeah, you know, and everybody has their own different version of what does it mean to be a man. Like one of the things that when Megan and I first started talking when we you know met on eHarmony, one of her first questions, honestly, was how tall are you? So so we heard that, honey. We're recording this in in my living room. Anyway, so so yeah, so one of the like I said, one of the questions she asked, I was like, Well, I'm six foot two, and because my wife's very tall, she's she's she's six foot, but she says I'm 5'11 and a half and three-quarters or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

5'11 and three-quarters. Yes, I am not.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

But I mean, but that's the thing, is it was interesting because when I started asking these people, asking different couples and everything, I got different answers. I got, you know, one of the things is you know, they a man should be able to give a good handshake. We got that from one couple, yeah. So like their daughters, they had all daughters, and if uh they brought a boy home, that was the first thing they did is like test the handshake. Yeah, and if he gave her uh the wife, Christina, they gave her like a uh she called it uh like a fish, you know, a dead fish handshake. Yeah, she would be like, Oh gross, I gotta wipe this off, and you know, and it's it and it's and so it's interesting to see the difference in dynamics. You know, some people gave the uh aspect of they should know men should know XYZ. So how to change a tire, how to change brakes, how to how to you know, hunt gather, you know, the kind of more simplified, you know, we'll say caveman aspect, even though caveman wasn't a thing. But anyway, David lives in cave.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

That's about as close as we get.

SPEAKER_03 27:21

But yeah, I mean it's just kind of interesting to hear these different things. Like one of them was like if they have a man bun, that's just not a man. And yeah, and I I started laughing because I agree. And so it's just interesting to hear. I mean, uh, as you guys grew up, I mean, what a bye honey. Are you oh she's got a telephone? She gotta talk to my mother-in-law, her mom. And I mean, uh maybe uh oh, this will be a good question for you, and then we'll get Megan when she comes back. Becca, what what was the things that you were looking for? Because I mean, your dad is terrifying, and that's really funny. I mean because he's not, but like when when you were though I know you guys have been together for a long time, but what what is something that you were taught to look for in a man that you were gonna eventually marry?

SPEAKER_04 28:16

Yeah, he needed to be able to provide and willing to work hard.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

I mean, does this come from you or is this something like your dad's?

SPEAKER_04 28:28

I mean, my parents are boomers, so they are like they have their strict standards and and RJ met all of them because he's awesome, but are they okay?

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Yeah, they're just trying to figure out how to get to the theater.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Sorry, my for those who are listening, yeah. Uh my mother-in-law has our kids right now. Yeah, um, so yeah, so uh well then it's interesting just to hear because like I know your parents and you know they're very they're very boomer. Yes, that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 29:04

Well, they met in the Marine Corps, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Um they're very both military, but like

When Roles Shift In Real Life

SPEAKER_03 29:10

I've had conversations with your dad, and like he's intimidating. I know to you, he's like, Oh, he's just a di my dad and teddy, but no, Thor is intimidating.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

I I get that, and of course his name's Thor.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

His name is Thor. He was a captain in the Marine Corps, and his nickname was K Bar, which for many of you know that is a knife brand that the Marine Corps uses, and that was his nickname. So that kind of tells you what kind of you don't get that nickname, you know, because you're you're good at filing paperwork. Uh you get that nickname because you're really good with a knife.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

So But that was I mean, I I do want to say that that was like their standards, but now I look at our sons, who one of them is technically a man, he's 18. Um and they technically a little bit, he's my baby, but by society's standards, they I would say that he does have aspects of a man, but they look different than his dad, yeah, because he's just a different kind of man.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

I grew up in a different, honestly, a different culture. It was a different world, it was a different world, and I grew up in the country and well the first part, and so my my dad was from the south, and so I was raised with southern values, and this is what you do. We hunted for our food because we were poor, and you know, we did a lot of fishing, we did, you know, those kinds of things, and he was a mechanic, and so our boys learned a lot of those things, but they didn't, and it's not their interest, and I'm glad because here I am, you know, only 20 years able to do mechanic work, my body f completely fell apart. So, you know, that whole work hard thing, I did. I worked really hard so hard that I worked myself out of a job.

SPEAKER_04 30:51

So but they still have those they're willing to work hard, yeah, and they are willing to protect others and care for people, yeah. And it's weird because somehow we've taken care out of the definition of man.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:06

And if you look at Christ, that's that was basically who he was, yeah, is he cared for others, but it was a different way than a woman cares. It was like I can I can do this for you, and so I'm going to. And then we have this other view of like the domineering man, and that's that can be something you want sometimes. Like, I guess my dad is scary sometimes. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 31:32

Well but then the so the the interesting thing is so like we look at the dynamics like about our parents as well, you know. I mean for you from you and Megan, you guys your perspective though, when you came into the the relationships with RJ and I, what I mean, what do you guys I'm trying to get at what you guys are trying to showcase as what is the responsibilities, what is the role as a wife, as a mother, as a you know, what is the role of a woman? I mean, we can get into the whole what is a woman thing, but that's I mean, that's that's a different topic. But yeah, I mean getting back to in not just in a marriage context, but what is the role?

SPEAKER_00 32:21

Well, I think first thoughts on that is it's gonna be a little bit different for everybody's marriage because I didn't really settle into our individual roles for probably a year or so just because we kind of were dabbling with okay, you prefer to do this, I prefer to do this, or you're better at this, and I'm better at this as far as like our day-to-day routine.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Like there's different arching levels to that question.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

And what do you got? Nothing.

SPEAKER_04 33:00

So, like, there's the the roles, like, you know, if there's a coyote outside, who gets out of bed? Well, it's always gonna be the dude because I'm just not doing that.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

Although I would like to see Megan come out there with me with a freaking you know, AR and like, let's let's do this.

SPEAKER_04 33:16

However, if I mean if a man's not around, then that it's not like women can't do that. It's just that not the preferred like do not do that.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Most of the time their default is this is what the man does.

SPEAKER_04 33:31

And then we go, oh, where are the kids? Are they safe? Are the other animals safe? And and so that's that's the more natural thing that I was saying. Like, these are things that are born in us and we can't get rid of them. But then within a relationship, that can shift a little bit. Like, what if you have someone who like a woman who has a military background and she's trained with a firearm and he's not, like, she's gonna be the one that gets up. That's not the case with any of us, but I mean, it could happen.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

So you just I mean, it's the relationships have every relationship has its own nuances, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

And then you bring up widows, and then what do they do? If you have to have these traditional roles, what does a widow do?

SPEAKER_03 34:16

Yeah, we can get in. I'd say we can even get in the different one, but that's a good yeah, it throws everything out the window, doesn't it? Yeah, so all right. Well, I'm gonna wrap this episode up. Okie dokie. So I hope the pe uh someone got something out of this.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Did he say anything at all?

SPEAKER_03 34:33

But thank you, ladies, for coming on the podcast. We're gonna probably do a couple episodes with you guys on here. And oh, yeah, no, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. So if you guys have any questions or comments, you can email us at make a manpodcast at gmail.com. And we'll see you guys on the next episode. Thank you, ladies, for being on the podcast.